| By : Sharila Surpal | Previous | Next |
| Posted on : 09 Oct, 2006 | Total Views : 275 |
It’s frustrating, when I begin to pen down something on paper and suddenly my mind goes blank. My brain strictly does not participate and leaves me in the middle of no where.
But still, there is hope and I don’t let the thought process weaken. So I go on vomiting some of those not so great ideas from my idiot head on paper and wait for just the right one to make its place on that spotless white piece of paper I am writing on.
So here comes out the first thought. I think to myself ‘ Well I could write better’. So I scratch that out with fear, and pour the next one on that white sheet which has a few scratches. Damn it! This is even worse and then I am scared. What the hell am I heading for?
Can’t I pen down a few decent sentences, meaningful ones, in one go? Then I console myself ‘Never mind honey, it happens. Try again.’
I give myself some time to get accustomed to the blow I just faced. So I close my book, put the pen to rest and walk out the door, but I have to rush back. Nope, I don’t have to attend to nature’s call, its my own brain giving out those jarring sirens only audible to me. Once again, I feel I can write. I can and I have to. So with due respect to my speeding thoughts and racing mind, I once again open up my book and my pen and start. Gosh! I write, but I make no sense. ‘Never mind’ I say to myself and go ahead like a brave solider. ‘Maybe it will work out now, maybe I am the best writer, maybe I can achieve the world with this pen and paper, I could be the next example for all amateurs’
Damn it! I am daydreaming, building castles in the air. I slap myself, and settle down on Mother Earth and push myself into writing something matchless, something that has never been written before.
Just when I begin to concentrate and offer my prayers to Almighty, I already feel defeated. I cannot concentrate. I can see before me the tearful demise, of a great author. An author who was going to get a revolutionary change in literature. ‘I cannot write now, maybe its just not the write (right) time. See I got it…. It’s the time, the moment passing by which is keeping me away from writing.
Well I think it’s time to have a steaming cup of cappuccino. I am sure this cup of coffee is going to do all the wonders. So here I go, make for myself, a much needed cup of coffee. I know now I am on my way to success. See now I feel better and it’s the right environment…. Actually, it was the environment around me that was not really inspiring me. Now that I have figured out the problem, I get back to work. I look for all sources of inspiration. Well.. nothing really inspires me. So now I need inspiration and surely I will be touching success. My thirst for success is getting worse and so I begin to quench it. I write again, cut it out, again I write, cut it out… Oh! God, I feel dizzy in the head, I think the coffee is poisoning me..but how is it possible? I made it myself.
Therefore, by now I have four factors that are keeping me away from writing, namely:
1) The wrong moment
2) An unfavorable environment
3) Lack of inspiration
4) Horrible coffee.
The constant battling of thoughts is not coming to peace and I am getting restless. This is just not funny, I have to do something to make a mark before I am no more. What the hell? Hysteria has hit me and at 25 I am senile, I don’t feel healthy anymore.
So the fifth reason which has come in the way is my POOR HEALTH. But this it, my mind is incessantly asking me to write and I have to, come what may.
I rip off one page after the other, and one more, there go two more. Crap and only crap, that’s what is written on those paper balls. Well, maybe that’s the beginning of a successful career… Oh! I need a dustbin now, I am sitting on paper and paper. I am in a mess.
By now, I have messed up the room completely, exhausted a quarter of my notebook, wasted a lot of ink but I still have not reached anywhere. Good heavens! This is not fair.
So what! I can still try… so after clearing the mess I do so again to write in my ‘thick notebook’ which is not so thick now…
Never mind…I am challenged, I will write and today itself. One day I will be a writer…
Written By : Sharila Surpal
