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The Man In The Mirror
 By : Tanay Kumar DasPrevious | Next
 Posted on : 01 Apr, 2006 Total Views : 352
I bend over the sink and stare at the escape hole, the way the water just goes down the drain. Sometimes I wish life was that easy, just escape this reality forever, and slide down the big drain. I guess that's what death is, think about it, you get to go down a hole anyway. I guess I never thought of it like that. Most people don't think about death at all. My mind is consumed with that thought. The many ways to die: there is either the peaceful way or die a gruesome death. How would I want to die? a death no one has ever experienced, a murder/suicide by my own hands. Just imagine.

I stare into the mirror and I look back at myself. I am disgusted with what I see, I look hard, harder and feel my brain ache and beg for my pity. I interlock glances with the man in the mirror in a game, I guess to see who would be the first one to blink. I hear my reflection talk to me, make a wish its says,what do I wish for? World peace like the Good Samaritan would? Nah, screw world peace. Then what do I wish for? Happiness and tranquility? To hell with those. I guess I want that but how do I guarantee happiness forever? Floating in realms beyond mortal comprehension? The only way is death. ?I wish for death, YES, YES, YES, I wish to die? I pause as I reflect on my decision, I am sure now, I know that that is the only and one true thing I want ? Let death become me, let me die a strange and unusual death?. That was my wish.

The man in the mirror (my reflection, a man, even though I am a woman) stares back at me and smiles. This whole while I haven't said a word, we talk using our eyes. My reflection, which I'll now call Benny, tells me to follow him with my eyes. Benny closes his eyes and mine shut; yet they are open. Eyes wide shut. I am drawn through this tunnel by a massive 3 dimensional twister. My whole being spinning through the ages as I go back to my childhood and down the fallopian tube to my mother's womb. An ocean of amniotic fluid surrounds me and I swim. My hands now fins aid me swim a task I could hardly do in all the 23 years I've spent on earth. Suddenly, with a burst of energy I sprout through my mother's uterus and I am out in a meadow with 23 doors. I open each and witness the various year of my life. My happy days, my sad days. My triumphs and failures. My good and bad. My Jerusalem. My Sodom and Gomorra.

At the 16th door I seem to be stuck. I stand there in a room with a knife in my hand and I watch myself stab my father. I wish him dead. I wash his blood spill and I laugh. I swim in his blood, rejoicing.I open my eyes, and I find myself in the hall of the 22nd door. My troubles and mental imbalance being. I feel the sense of emptiness I felt then. I hug and try to comfort myself in that state, but my visions are but a mirage. I curse Benny for teasing me. Where is Benny? I can't see him; I see through his eyes. His eyes are my eyes. I try to weep for my state but Benny's eyes won't let me. His eyes smile at my misery. I hate Benny. I walk further down the hall of the 22nd door and I see myself. I morph into another being. A transformation to the true me. A time when I came to accordance with the real me and accepted my flaws as mine. I was mad and happy.

All of a sudden I feel my body surfing with the speed of light tru galaxies unknown to man and presented itself into this huge massive black. I went past the 23rd door and didn't go in. back through my mother's womb I sped past and once again into the reality of this day and light. I am sweating, and my brain is fried. I feel the sweet juices of my brain coming out of my pores as sweat. I taste its bitterness. I am void of every energy known to man. I have exhausted my mortal body by this unplanned regression. I can smell the rotting smell of my blood-covered degenerating self, now in the form of a new born baby. I stare into the mirror and see Benny. He is no longer a man, he is me, my true image/reflection. He is woman. Do you still wish for death?? she asks with her eyes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, ye, s s s !! I said with my voice, as it faded away and carried me to a realm I can't describe in words. I drew my final breath.

I got my wish, I died by my own dictation; MURDER, and I planned for the death; SUCIDE. With a sudden bang, I wake up, sweating and panting by my dream. What a horrific way to die.


 Written By : Tanay Kumar Das

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