Discipline with love
Posted On : 17 Aug 2007 Total Views : 9001 Previous | Next

Some parents are so lucky as to parent children who follow directions, are compliant, and act amenable. Others of us are not. Our children may present us with short-term challenging behaviors due to stress or changes in their lives. Or, they may present us with on-going challenges due to emotional and behavioral issues

Children do not always do what parents want. There are different styles and approaches to parenting. Research shows that effective parents raise well-adjusted children who are more self-reliant, self-controlled, and positively curious than children raised by parents who are punitive, overly strict (authoritarian), or permissive.

Parents are child's first teachers. Disciplining the child may be difficult, so it is important to u understand the reasons.
  • Often parents discipline children to protect them from danger.
  • Discipline can help children learn to get along with others and develop self-control.
  • Discipline can help children understand limits and learn acceptable behavior
Now the problem is this that how can a parent correct or discipline without making a child belittled, as if he or she is a bad and worthless person? Physical punishment is no solution because it can discourage and embarrass children and develop low self-esteem in them. The important massage is to first remember that you’re trying to teach your child, not get back at him or her for misbehaving.  Instead of using punishment to correct behavior, children need to learn what behavior is allowed and not allowed and why. Parents should stress "dos" rather than "don’ts”.
Here are some tips for discipline your child with love.
  •  Start sentences with “I”. “I” sentences state personal feeling. Like “I get upset when we aren’t on time.” Or “I feel bad when you____” or “I get angry when you’re late, and dinner gets cold.”
  • Recognize the problem behind the child’s irritable behavior.
  • If you are too angry to speak, don't. If your child is old enough to read, express your feelings in writing. Sometimes just the time required to find pen and paper will help you to cool off.
  • Try to avoid absolutes like “you always” or “you never”. To a child, they often mean there is no hope for improvement, no chance of ever pleasing you, which is what kids really want to do.
  • When you do lose it, reconnect with your child as soon as possible. If your child is young give a hug and kiss. For an older child, you may want to offer an explanation of why you were angry along with an apology.
  • Don’t give the small child too many reasons.
Basically, I think talking to your child as you would talk to an adult solves a lot of problems. It comes down to showing respect for your child and concern for his or her feeling. You love the child; it’s a particular action you don’t like. Be sure that your child understands that very clearly.

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