The Banker Fell Overboard ...B by : Ajit Hari Sahu on 17-Sep-2005 Views : 225 The banker fell overboard ...
The banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat.
The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, "Can you float alone?"
"Obviously," the banker replied, "but this is a heck of a time to talk business."
$2B by : Ripudaman Saini on 15-Sep-2005 Views : 235 Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
100 Camels For WifeB by : Ajit Hari Sahu on 14-Sep-2005 Views : 239 100 Camels for Wife
US tourists, a man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, "I'll give you 100 camels for your woman."
After a long silence, the husband says, "She's not for sale."
The indignant wife says, "What took you so long to answer?"
The husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."
Help WantedB by : Ajit Hari Sahu on 14-Sep-2005 Views : 217 Help Wanted
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following:
"HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer, and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign, and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it, and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least; however, the
dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office.
Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter, and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the
manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.
The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."
The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program that worked flawlessly the first time.
By this time, the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities; however, I still can't give you the job."
The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
The manager said, "Yes, but the sign ALSO says that you have to be bilingual."
The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, "Meow!"
InvestB by : Ripudaman Saini on 14-Sep-2005 Views : 229 A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.
ManagementB by : Ripudaman Saini on 14-Sep-2005 Views : 248 MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT: Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers" as everyone in you social circle is a "Middle Manager."
Top Twenty Flight Advertising SlogansB by : Ajit Hari Sahu on 13-Sep-2005 Views : 250 Top Twenty Flight Advertising Slogans
1. BadAir: When you just can't wait for the world to come to you.
2. BadAir: We're Amtrak with wings.
3. Join our frequent near-miss program.
4. On flights, every section is a smoking section.
5. Ask about our out-of-court settlements.
6. Our staff has had lots of experience counseling next-of-kin.
7. Are our jet engines too noisy? Don't worry. We'll turn them off.
8. Complimentary champagne during free-fall.
9. Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you.
10. The kids will love our inflatable slides.
11. If you think it's so easy, get your own plane!
12. Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes?
13. Our pilots are all terminally ill and have nothing to lose.
14. BadAir: We may be landing on your street.
15. BadAir: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.
16. Bring a bathing suit.
17. Some airlines are content to fly thousands of feet over landmarks. We try to get as close as possible for the best view.
18. That guy who crashed into the White House was one of our best pilots.
19. Fly Bad Air and enjoy a free two-week hospital stay on us.
20. BadAir: A real man lands where he wants to.
An Airliner Was Having Engine TroubleB by : Ajit Hari Sahu on 13-Sep-2005 Views : 258 An airliner was having engine trouble
An airliner was having engine trouble and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to
have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
“All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except for one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.”
Dead Horse / Modern BusinessB by : Ajit Hari Sahu on 13-Sep-2005 Views : 198 Dead Horse / Modern Business
The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from one generation to the next, says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.
However, in modern business, because of the heavy investment factors to be taken into consideration, often other strategies have to be tried with dead horses, including the following:
1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Threatening the horse with termination.
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
6. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
7. Appointing an intervention team to reanimate the dead horse.
8. Creating a training session to increase the riders load share.
9. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.
10. Changing the form so that it reads: "This horse is not dead."
11. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
12. Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.
13. Donating the dead horse to a recognized charity, thereby deducting its full original cost.
14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.
15. Doing a time management study to see if the lighter riders would improve productivity.
16. Purchasing an after-market product to make dead horses run faster.
17. Declaring that a dead horse has lower overhead and therefore performs better.
18. Forming a quality focus group to find profitable uses for dead horses.
19. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for horses.
20. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.
WarrantyB by : Ajit Hari Sahu on 13-Sep-2005 Views : 199 Warranty
Caller: 'Hello, is this Tech Support?'
Tech: 'Yes, it is. How may I help you?'
Caller: 'The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period.How do I go about getting that fixed?'
Tech: 'I`m sorry, but did you say a cup holder?' Caller: 'Yes, it`s attached to the front of my computer.'
Tech: 'Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It`s because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional offer, at a trade show? How did you getthis cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?'
Caller: 'It came with my computer, I don`t know anything about a promotional. Itjust has `4X` on it.' At this point the Tech Rep mutes the caller, because he cannot control his laughter. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder,and snapped it off the drive!
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