Computer And Web Jokes

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SoftWare Programming in C++ for Structure of Females!

struct female_professionals
{
double styles;
short skirts;
long time_to_understand_problems;
float mind;
void knowledge;
char non_co-operative;
}
struct married_females
{
double weight;
short tempered;
long gossip;
float hopes;
void word;
char unstable;
}
struct engaged_females
{
double time_on_phone;
short attention_on_work;
long boast;
float on_cloud_nine;
void understanding;
char edgy;
}
struct newly_married_females
{
double dinner_invitation;
short time_at_work;
long lunch_break;
void bank_balance;
char hen_pecked;
}
struct husband_wife_professionals
{
double income;
short tempered;
long time_no_see_each_other;
void love_life;
char money_making;
}
struct beautiful_city_girl
{
double boyfriends;
short affairs;
long stories;
void greymatter;
char flirt;
}
struct old_lady
{
double chin ;
short memory;
long sighs ;
void attention_from_men;
char chatterbox;

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ISDN - It Still Does Nothing
APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM - I Blame Microsoft
WWW - World Wide Wait
PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Math
NT - Network Tragedy
DNS - Does Nothing Special
WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

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Hai friends,

The following is the technical problem one of my friend got and a solution for this is also identified. Pls. find out if there are any other ways to fix this problem.

Dear (IT) Technical Support:

I am desperate for some help. I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected child processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.

In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Boys Night Out 2.5, and Bar 5.3 no longer run and crash the system whenever selected.

Attempting to operate Saturday Masthi 6.3 always fails but Saturday Shopping 7.1 runs instead.

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 but uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?

Joe

~~

Dear Joe,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its creator to run everything.

You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0 as Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the system once installed.

Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems.(See in manual under alimony/Child Support and Solicitors Fees).

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself I recommend you keep it installed and deal with the difficulties as best you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C:\IAPOLOGIES program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-key. It may be necessary to run C:\ I APOLOGIES a number of times but hopefully eventually the operating system will return to normal.

Wife 1.0 although a very high maintenance program can be very rewarding. To get the most out of it consider buying additional software such as Flowers 2.0 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not under any circumstances install Secretary (Short Skirt version) as this is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly crash.

Regards,

Technical support

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hi friends,
just read this.....this is really funny
Microsoft has announced the availability of Operating System in Hindi.
Pl
see some of the phrases you will be using tomorrow.

Microsoft in Hindi

Bill Gates had announced that Microsoft plans to release a windows
version
in Hindi. Here are some Windows related terms that are to be used in
the
Hindi version of ..........Khidkiyan'DoHazar ( Windows 2000 ):

1.Phaail = File

2.Bachao = Save

3.Aise Bachao = Save as

4.Subko Bachao = Save All

5.Mujhe Bachao = Help

6.Dhoondo = Find

7.Firse Dhoondo = Find Again

8.Hilao = Move

9.Dak = Mail

10.Dakiya = Mailer

11.Paas se dhekho = Zoom

12.Door se dhekho = Zoom Out

13.Kholo = Open

14.Bandh Karo = Close

15.Naya = New

16.Purana/Khatara = Old

17.Badli Karo = Replace

18.Bhaago = Run

19.Chaapo = Print

20.Dekh Ke Chaapo = Print Preview

21.Nakal Utaaro/Kaapi =Copy

22.Kaato = Cut

23.Chipkao = Paste

24.Payshal Chipkao = Paste Special

25.Goli Maaro = Delete

26.Nazaara = View

27.Hatyaar = Tools

28.Hatyaar Khamba = Toolbar

29.Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet

30.Kalti Maaro = Exit

31.Ped = Tree

32.Thooso = Compress

33.Chooha = mouse

34.Tik Karo = Click

35.Tik-Tik Karo = Double Click

36.Idhar-se-Udhar - Forward

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A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem.
The project manager said: "Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination."

The computer programmer said: "We have here the driver's guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive."

The computer operator said: "First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem."

Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: "Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."

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ISDN = It Still Does Nothing

APPLE = Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

IBM = I Blame Microsoft

DEC = Do Expect Cuts

CA = Constant Acquisitions

CD-ROM = Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

OS/2 = Obsolete Soon, Too.

SCSI = System Can't See It

DOS = Defunct Operating System

BASIC = Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

WWW = World Wide Wait

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**How did santa singh attempt to transfer some files from one PC to
another
PC.....

1)Right clicked the mouse on the file which he wanted to transfer and
selected cut option
2)Disconnected the mouse from that PC
3)Took that mouse carefully and connected it to the other PC where he
wanted to copy that file
4)And trying to paste it there....!!!!!!!!!

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Letter to bill Gates:

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for
our home

and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice

After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever
we fillthe form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the
rest of the fields whatever

we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We
checked with hardware vendor

Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of
this we open the e-mail

account with password ****** . I request you to check this as we ourselves
do not know what the

password is. We are unable to enter anything after we click the shut down
button.



There is a button 'Start' but there is no 'Stop' button. We request you to
check this.

We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run' has ran
up to Amritsar! So, we request

you to change that to 'sit' so that we can click that by sitting.

One doubt is that any 'Re-scooter' available in system? As I find only
'Re-cycle', but
I own a scooter at my home.

Also there is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost
the door key

and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this 'Find', but unable to
trace. Is it a bug??

And last not the least there is 'Help' in Main menu its of no use. Since it
happened

a day before yesterday my elder father was suddenly having loose motion so
at mid night we tried to

find the help, but we failed.

I will be very thankful to you and your team if u fix the matter looking.

Forward for your reply.

Regards,

Banta Singh.

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Customer: "I received the software update you sent,
but I am still
getting
the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get
it to work?"

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Recording of a Call Tracking company's conversations
Customer: "Now what do I do?"
Tech Support: "What is the prompt on the screen?"
Customer: "It's asking for 'Enter Your Last Name.'"
Tech Support: "Ok, so type in your last name."
Customer: "How do you spell that?"