Computer And Web Jokes

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Sardarji :I want to stich curtain for my computer
Tailor : Why curtain for computer
Sardarji: I got Windows installed on my computer

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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

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S met ing's hap ening t my k ybo rd . .

Windows is *NOT* a virus. Viruses *DO* something!

Keyboard Not Found - Press [F1] to Continue.

Is a computer virus covered by Medicare?

If Compaq Computers ever go into the music business, do you think they will make and sell Compaq Discs?

The Windows 2000 Eveready Bunny: It's still loading, and loading...

Shareware author dies: .GIF at eleven!

The world is coming to an end. Please log off.

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A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns,unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or femine.One puzzled student asked,'What gender is computer'?' The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary.So for fun she split the class into two groups, appropriately enough,by gender and asked them to decide whether 'computer' should be a masculine or feminine noun.

Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender because:
No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to every one else.
Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrireview.
As soon as you make a commitment to one,you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.
The womens group, however concluded that computers should be masculine, because:
In order to get their attention you have to turn them on.
They have a lot of data but they are still clueless.
They are supposed to help you solve problems,but half of the time they are the problem.
As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

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A good friend is like a computer; me 'enter' ur life,
'save' u in my heart,
'format' ur problems,
'shift' u 2 opportunities
and never 'delete' u from my memory!

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Bill Gates was in India a few days ago. He announced that Microsoft plans to release a windows version in Hindi.

Here are some Windows related terms that may be used in the Hindi version of...

Khidkiyan 97
File = Phaail
Bachao = Save
Aise Bachao = Save as
Subko Bachao = Save All
Mujhe Bachao = Help
Dhoondo = Find
Firse Dhoondo = Find Again
Hilao = Move
Daak = Mail
Daakiya = Mailer
Paas se dhekho = Zoom
Duur se dhekho = Zoom Out
Kholo = Open
Bandh Karo = Close
Naya = New
Khatara = Old
Badli Karo = Replace
Bhaago = Run
Chhaapo = Print
Dekh Ke Chhaapo = Print Preview
Kaapi = Copy
Kaato = Cut
Chipkao = Paste
Payshul Chipkao = Paste Special
Goli Maaro = Delete
Nazaara = View
Hathiyaar = Tools
Hathiyaar Khambha = Toolbar
Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet
Futaas Ki Goli Kha = Exit
Ped = Tree
Thooso = Compress
Chooha = mouse
Tik-Tik Karo = Click
Idhar-se-Udhar.Udhar-se-Idhar = Scrollbar

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An application was for employment

A program was a TV show

A cursor used profanity

A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age

A CD was a bank account

Compress was something you did to garbage not something you did to a file.

And if you unzipped anything in public, You'd be in jail for awhile!

Log on was adding wood to a fire

Hard drive was a long trip on the road

A mouse pad was where a mouse lived

And a backup happened to your commode!

Cut - you did with a pocket knife

Paste you did with glue

A web was a spider's home

And a virus was the flu!

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper

And the memory in my head

I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash but when it happens they wish they were dead!

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Q: "How many computer scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
A: "Five. Two write the specifications, one to prove their validity and two to implement it."

Q: "Well, how many hackers does it take?"
A: "One. But, hackers don't turn on the lights."

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"A compiler's primary function is to compile, organize the compilation, and go right back to compiling. It compiles basically only those things that require to be compiled, ignoring things that should not be compiled. The main way a compiler compiles, is to compile the things to be compiled until the compilation is complete."

Only in America.....

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**How did santa singh attempt to transfer some files from one PC to another PC.....

1)Right clicked the mouse on the file which he wanted to transfer and selected cut option 2)Disconnected the mouse from that PC
3)Took that mouse carefully and connected it to the other PC where he wanted to copy that file
4)And trying to paste it there....!!!!!!!!!