Education Jokes

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PRINCIPAL IF A BOY GOES TO GIRLS HOSTEL:
RS.100 FINE FOR THE FIRST TIME...
RS.200 FOR THE SECOND TIME...
RS.500 FOR THE THIRD TIME..
SARDAR : HOW MUCH FOR A MONTHLY PASS??????

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One young man went for an IAS Interview.

"When did India get independence?" He was asked.

"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.

"Who was responsible for our independence?"

"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another." He replied.

"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"

"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.

The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.

When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged.

Then it was the turn of this Santa. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him." By the way, what is your date of birth?"

He replied, "The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947."

Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. "What is your fathers name?"

He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one, it will be injustice to another".

The interviewer was incensed.

"Hey! Are you mad or what?"

He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report."

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Internal Test was going in college.
4 guys instead of reading they fully boosed previuos night. And in next morning they wake up late and told to lecturer that they gone to their native while coming back their car tyre got punctured. Lecturer given them a chance to appear the test next monday.

Whole week they read all the chapters and prepared for the test. In the test they were asked to sit in different class room to write for the exam. And not allowed to talk with any body and even in the cell phone.

Test Questions were only 2

Q 1. What is your name ? Marks 2
Q 2. Which tyre of your Car got punctured.? Marks 98

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one boy went to test.
When he came home his mom said - how was the test?He said - the questions were very easy but the answer were hard.

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Student: What have I done wrong here? [puzzled]
Teacher: You have cancelled 4/9 to get 1/3
Student: Yeah...
Teacher: Which is well - wrong.

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Question and the Answer given by Candidates oh sorry
they are IAS Officers now.

Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor
without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC
Topper)

Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how
long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank
Opted for IFS)

Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand
and four apples and three oranges in the other hand,
what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for
IPS)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find ! an
elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs , He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it
will become?
A. It will get Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS
Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half apple ?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?
A : Dinner.

Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?
A : It caused a revolution.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid (UPSC 33Rank )

Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy
questions or one really difficult question.

Think well before you make up your mind!" The boy
thought for a while and said, "my choice is one really difficult
question."

"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own
choice! Now tell me this. "What comes first, Day or
Night?"

The boy was jolted into reality as his admission
depends on the correctness of his answer,
but he thought for a while and said,
"It's the DAY sir!"

"How" the interviewer asked,

"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a
SECOND difficult question!"

He was selected for IIM!

"Technical Skill is the mastery of complexity, while
Creativity is the master of simplicity"

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Have a nice day!
----- * Achcha din lo!

What `s up?
----- *Uppar kya hai?

You `re kidding!
----- *Tum bachcha bana rahe ho!

Don `t kid me!
----- * Mera bachcha mat banaao!

Yo, baby! What `s up?
-----* Beti Yo, uppar kya hai?

Cool man!
-----* Thandaa aadmi!

Check this out, man!
----* Iskee chaanbeen karo, aadmi!

Don `t mess with me, dude.
----- * Mere saath gandagi mat karo, e vyakti.

She `s so fine!
----- * Woh itnee baareek hai!

Listen buddy, that chick `s mine, okay!?
----- * Suno dost, woh chooza mera hai, theek?

Hey good looking; what `s cooking?
----* Arrey sundarta ki devi; kya pakaa rahee ho?

Are you nuts?
----- * Kya aap akhrot hain?

Son of a gun.
----- * Bachcha bandook ka.

Rock the party.
---- * Party mein patthar feko.

And the best ones are.....

How do you do?
----- * Kaise karte ho?

Keep in touch!
----- * Chhoote Raho.

Lets hang out!
----- * Chalo bahar latakte hai

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Teacher:- Santa school late kyon aaya hai?
Santa:- Madam raat supne vich main CANADA gya si,
Teacher:- Te Banta tu?
Banta:- Madam main Santa nu AIRPORT" chhaden gya si!

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The Ways to Grade the Final Exams:
1. Dept. of Statistics: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
2. Dept. of Psychology: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
3. Dept. of History: All students get the same grade they got last year.
4. Dept. of Religion: Grade is determined by God.
5. Dept. of Philosophy: What is a grade?
6. Law School: Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.
7. Dept. of Logic: If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.
8. Dept. of Computer Science: Random number generator determines grade.
9. Music Department: Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively).
10. Dept. of Physical Education: Everybody gets an A.

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Teacher : How old is your father?

Student : As old as me.

Teacher : How can that be?

Student : He became father only when I was born.