Education Jokes

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A school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our
brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

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Two Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.

One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are sardars we will go direct to the sun."

"But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt."
And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night."


DELIVERED

Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".

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Teacher: Delhi mein Kutub minar hai.

Tinku was sleeping and teacher wakes him up.

Teacher: What did I say?

Tinku replies: Delhi mein kutta bimar hai...

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English teacher : "One cute and yound girl is walking on the road" change this into an punjabi exclamatory setence.
Student: Oye, pataka!

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Teacher to Santa: What is your father name?
Santa: beautiful red underwear.
Teahcer: What do you mean?
Santa: Sunder Lal Chadha.

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Sir: Bachcho Kasam khao kabhi Sharaab , cigarette nahi pioge, Non veg nahin khaoge.

Bachche: Nahin khayenge Sir.

Sir: Kabhi ladkiyon ko nahin chhedoge.

Bachche: Theek hai Sir.

Sir: Jua nahin kheloge.

Bachche: OK Sir.

Sir: Desh ke liye jaan bhi de doge.

Bachche: De denge sir, aisi jaan ka aur karenge bhi kya?

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1. TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go
Slow."

2. TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your maths
sums on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using
tables!

3. TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we
have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!

4. Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of got
COINCIDENCE?"
Puppy: "Sir, my Mother and Father married on
the Same day same time.

5. Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating
a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I
be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.

6. Teacher asked George: how can you prove the
earth is round?
George replied: I can't. Besides, I never said
it was.

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A school teacher was given a ticket for driving through a red light. When she appeared in traffic court, she asked the judge for immediate attention to her case as she was due to be back in class. The judge looked at her sternly and said:

"So you're a school teacher. I am about to realize a lifelong ambition. You sit down at that table over there and write 'I went
through a stop sign. 'FIVE HUNDRED TIMES!"

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1. No really, I’ll be out of here in only two more years.

2. My job prospects look really good.

3. The department is giving me so much support.

4. I just have one more book to read and then I’ll start writing.

5. I turned down a lot of great job offers to come here.

6. Your latest article was so inspiring.

7. I would never date an undergraduate.

8. My work has a lot of practical importance.

9. I’d be delighted to proofread your book/chapter/article.

10. It doesn’t bother me at all that my college roommate is making $80,000 a year on Wall Street.

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Dept Of Statistics: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.

Dept Of Psychology: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.

Dept Of History: All students get the same grade they got last year.

Dept Of Religion: Grade is determined by God.

Dept Of Philosophy: What is a grade?

Law School: Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.

Dept Of Mathematics: Grades are variable.

Dept Of Logic: If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.

Dept Of Computer Science: Random number generator determines grade.

Music Department: Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively).

Dept Of Physical Education: Everybody gets an A.