Entertainment Jokes

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To be sung to the tune of Ai Malik Tere Bandhe Hum


Hey Mumbai tere bandhe hum,
Yeh kaise kyun hum-par situm,
Na railways chale, na BEST chale,
Paidal chalte huwe nikle dum.
Hey Mumbai------------------
Waise office-se jaldi nikle hum,
Jamke station-thak badhaaye kadam,
Hum khade the magar, gaadi ki na khabar,
Toota ummeed-ka papaddum.
Aake baahar jab pheri nazar,
Dekha Bambai bana tha gutter,
Na auto chale aur na taxi rukhe,
Ab kaise karenge safar.
Hey Mumbai------------------
Hua baarishse yun saamna,
Na kahin bijali, koi phone na,
MTNL kho gaya, Ambani bhi so gaya,
Andheremein hamein chod diya,
Cell-phone bhi kare gadbadam,
Yeh kaisa bada sankatam,
Bhejemein fikr aur kuch na clear,
Bheegke tan man hua bahut naram.
Hey Mumbai------------------
Thoda rukhke maine saans li,
Yaad aane laga family,
Biwi tum ho kidhar, bachhee hain kya udhar,
Ya kahin phas jaayenge raat-bhar,
Ab kaise karenge aur sabr,
Kare koi na aisa suffer,
Mere dilmein fear, aankhon mein tear,
Tension chadne laga ekdum.
Hey Mumbai------------------
Chal pada public-ka caravan,
Girnewalonko kiya saavdhaan,
Hum chalte rahe, saath bhadte rahe,
Door manzil, kadi imtihan.
Man-holes bhi khule the idhar-udhar,
Upar thunder, neeche bhi no cover,
Drainage-ke tale khaddepe gire,
BMC bhi bada be-sharam.
Hey Mumbai------------------
Yeh meteorology jaaye bhaadmein,
Saara metro duba paanimein,
Koi Shanghai kahe, future Hong-Kong kahe,
Yaaron unko hum paagal kahe,
Yeh hota hai year after year,
Kab sudhrega apna shahar,
Na Government sune, na bhagwan sune,
Rothe thairthe aa pahuncha main ghar.
Hey Mumbai tere bandhe hum!

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What's the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend, that comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife,Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi

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What do u call a woman in heaven?
An Angel.
A crowd of woman in heaven?
A host of Angels.
And all woman in heaven?
PEACE ON EARTH!

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Husband wife ki godh mein leta hua thaa.
Wife: Kaisa lag raha hai ji.
Husband: Aise jaise bhagwaan Vishnu Shesh naag ki god mein lete hon!

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A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like ‘Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai’

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Joy to Roy, sorry for disturbing you. Can you please fax me your photo, its very urgent, serious matter has come up actually, we are playing cards and I lost the joker.

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Man - Doctor, Doctor! My wooden leg is giving me a headache!
Doctor: Why?
Man: Because my wife keeps hitting me on the head with it.

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WHAT IS THE HEIGHT OF FRIENDSHIP?
ANSWER - IT IS WHEN YOUR BEST FRIEND RUNS AWAY WITH YOUR WIFE AND YOU ARE REALLY WORRIED ABOUT YOUR FRIEND.

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What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

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PROFESSOR : Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jantey ho?
MUNNA BHAI : Gandhi bahut jabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin malum ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.
______________________________

CIRCUIT : Bhai, Bapu NE bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai. Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.
MUNNA BHAI : Aye Circuit, who Sunita ka baap aya hai terayko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT : Bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai, kheti karneko.
MUNNA BHAI : Par Circuit, abhi to TU bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.
CIRCUIT : Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.