Entertainment Jokes

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1. PROFESSOR: Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jantey ho?
MUNNA BHAI: Gandhi bahut jabardast aadmi tha,Baap. Maa Kasam,par apun ko yeh nahin malum ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.

2. CIRCUIT: Bhai,Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nahin bolna mangta hai.Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nahin bolega Bhai.
MUNNA BHAI: Aye Circuit,wo Sunita ka baap aaya hai tere ko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT: Bhai us ko bolo apun gaon gaya hai,kheti karne ko.
MUNNA BHAI: Par Circuit,abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nahin bolega.
CIRCUIT: Bhai, apun jhoot nahin bolega,par tum to bol sakta hai naa.

3. MAMU: Chand to raat ko nikalta hai,aaj din mein kaise nikal aaya?
GIRL: Ullu to raat ko bolta hai,aaj din mein kaise bol pada?

4. CIRCUIT: Bhai, wo apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla aaj raat ko dinner pe.Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.
MUNNABHAI: Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?
CIRCUIT: Nahin Bhai,wo apna chain pehchan lega.

5. MAMU: Bhai,apnay ko char mahinay mein Tamil sikhna padega.Kuch upaay batao.
MUNNA BHAI: Tamil kyun,aur char mahinay ka kya chakkar hai?
MAMU: Mainey ek Tamil baccha adopt kiya hai,aur wo char mahinay mein bolne lagay ga.

6. PROFESSOR: Akal badi ki bhains?
MUNNA BHAI: Bole to pehlay date of birth bata mamu.

7. MUNNA BHAI: Circuit,bole to yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT: Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI: To phir,yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT: Bole to,simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole to Baelgaadi.

8. CIRCUIT: Aye Mamu,tere ko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?
MAMU: Nahin.
CIRCUIT: To kha ke dekh le,pata chal jayega.

9. MUNNA BHAI: Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.
MAMU: Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?
MUNNA BHAI:Yaad nehin hai yaar.Bahut purane baat hai.

10. MUNNA BHAI: Mamu,tu kitna pada hai?
MAMU: B.A.
MUNNA BHAI: Sala,do akshar pada aur woh bhi ulta?

11. MAMU: Oye,mar gaye yaar.Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hai.
MAMU KA DOST: Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.

12. CIRCUIT: Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?
SHORT CIRCUIT: Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai.

13. PRINCIPAL: Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya to first time 100 Rs fine,2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.
MUNNA BHAI: Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu.

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How was NISAR BHAI born?
Answer:
Jawani Janeman,
Haseen dilruba,
Mile do Dil jawaan,
NISAR ho gaya.

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If the movie titanic was made in india then:
1. There would be 10 times as many people on the ship.
2. The ship would sink from the weight of all the people who had boarded the ship without tickets and without the knowledge of the crew.
3. There would be a song with ashwariya rai in a white flowing dress, standing at the bow of the ship and singing in the rain.
4. By the end of the movie the hero would have co-incidentally found his long lost mom, dad, sister, twin brother and childhood friend.
5. It would be a seven-and-half-hour movie with three intervals.
6. The movie would be called "Pyaar kiya to marna kiya" or PKTMK for short!!!
7. The hero, heroine, his mom, dad, sister and brother will float in the cold water for days and yet survive.
8. The villain will drown in the first drop of water.
9. The iceberg would have been sent by the heroine's father to teach a lesson to the hero (shahrukh khan, naturally).
10. None of the females would float for long because of the saris but the heroine (ashwariya, of course) would have survived as she would have used her sari to make a big bandage for the hero's bleeding head wound.
11. The orchestra would have been playing a qawaali in which the heroine and the hero would have been competing against each other,and the ship would only start to sink after the last strains of the music died away.And...
12. Can you imagine how many times we would hear "Bachaoooo!!! Bachaooooo!!!".

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1. Director of ISRO satellite preparing to take off - B. Reddy
2) One who can't be steady after a drink - P. K.Girpade
3) A Konkani Bharthnaatyam Dancer - Thaka Dhimi Pai.

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Imagine a film called Salesman No.1. Starring Govinda in the title role.
Govinda is a country bumpkin studying in a B-school in Bihar.His classmates include Johnny Lever and Mohnish Behl(side-villain).His Marketing professor is Kader Khan who utters wonderful shairis like "Distribution badh nahin sakti ghar mein baithne se,Brand Equity ghat nahin sakti zamane ki sataane se." Govinda's father (Alok Nath in a guest appearance) was a Hindustan Lever Limited's TSI who was killed by Naxalites trying to improve the distribtuion of Lux in rural areas. And HLL did not pay any compensation to the family, which is why Govinda's mother (Farida Jalal) has stopped using soap. Govinda has vowed that he will not rest till the market share of Levers soaps in his area is 0 % (remember guys, this is a Hindi film.) Anyway, on placement day, Mohnish Behl gets HLL because he has contacts (his father - Gulshnan Grover - is the oldest Lever's distributor in the country.).And Govinda gets RCI... By the way, Johnny Lever does not get Levers... he gets, say, SBCH. Anyway, they are both sent to a vague rural area for theirs MTs stints where Kader Khan (in a double role) is the RCI distributor and his brother Gulshan Grover is the HLL distributor (Mohnish has got this stint in his father's area... guys, guys, guys - this is a Hindi film.).Guess what, Kader Khan's daughter is Karishma Kapoor, who promptly falls in love with Govinda. She keeps accounts for her dad in the daytime and sings songs with Govinda when she is free. Song situation: "Main to primary kar raha tha, Main to secondary kar raha tha, Main to schemes chala raha tha, Tera undercut hua to main kya karoon?" Johnny Lever has also fallen in love with the SBCH distributor's daughter (Guddi Maruti, as usual.) and... Song situation: "Horlicks jo pyar karega... Woh gaana gayega... Aquafresh daaton mein pehchana jayega..."
Govinda works very hard and improves the RCI distribution greatly and the Levers soap market share goes down steadily. Meanwhile, Mohnish has good fun with a village chhamiya (Rambha in a special appearance) - and she can even sing a song... "Luxy luxy luxy mujhe log bole..." Ultimately, there is huge pressure from the top for Mohnish to mend his act. And he gets to his evil ways - with assistance from his dad. They go and tamper with the RCI records to convince Kader Khan that the Reckitts ROI has fallen felow 30% - AND Govinda is flirting with his daughter. Blinded with rage, Kader Khan bounces a Reckitts cheque - and stops distribution till such time Govinda is removed from his territory. Govinda's targets go for a toss - and to make matters worse, Levers is about to launch Savlon soap in the area. He is also forbidden to meet Karishma, saddened by which Karshma sings, "Ab tere bin jee lenge hum, zahar Mortein ka pee lenge hum..." Govinda's transfer orders are sent and just when he is about to leave, Johnny Lever discovers the gochi in the RCI accounts and phodoes the bhanda to Kader.Kader Khan realises his mistake and immediately gives a draft for the bounced cheque. And as a dowry for his daughter's wedding, he promises to match the Savlon display budget with an equal sum from his own pocket for Dettol.
The Climax: The news of Mohnish and Gulshan's wrong doings reach the ears of the Levers ASM (Kulbhushan Kharbanda).And it is also discovered that Govinda's father was not killed by naxalites but by Gulshan's henchmen because he had refused to pass false secondary claims. Hence, there is a high-voltage clash between Gulshan-Mohnish and Govinda-Kader-Johnny in which Govinda beats up the baddies with a Customer Order Book.(FMCG guys will vouch for the size and hardness of this object.) The Happy Ending: Alok Nath is declared to be a great TSI, and his pension is paid. Farida Jalal starts using soap again. Mohnish is sent to the Andamans for his next stint.Gulshan is stripped off his distributor-ship.And it is given to Kader Khan.Johnny Lever marries Guddi Maruti.Govinda marries Karishma - and quits Reckitts to join Infosys.Bombay junta,get Vashu Bhagnani to produce this film.

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1) What is Bruce Lee's favorite dog? Ju Lee 2) What is Bruce Lee's favorite vegetable? Mu Lee 3) Which Indian is the greatest fan of Bruce Lee? Malaya Lee 4) What does Bruce Lee like to have for lunch ? Tha Lee 5) What happens to the theatre once a Bruce Lee movie is over ? Kha Lee 6) Which is Bruce Lee's favorite hindi movie? Mawaa Lee 7) Bruce Lee's favorite food Id Lee 8) Bruce Lee's favorite festivals Diwa Lee and Ho Lee 9) Bruce Lee's favorite holiday spot Mana Lee 10) Bruce Lee's favorite tree Im Lee 11) Bruce Lee's favourite Actress Sona lee 12) Bruce Lee's favourite Music Qawa lee 13) What is Bruce Lee's most interesting job? Coo Lee 14) How did Bruce Lee die? with a Go Lee 15) What is the name of Bruce Lee's gardener ? Maa Lee 16) What does Bruce Lee get from his wife ? Gaa Lee 17) What is Bruce Lee's favorite ride ? Do Lee 18) Who is Bruce Lee's favorite cricketer? Kamb Lee 19) When Bruce Lee kicks, who makes the loudest noise? Taa Lee 20) Bruce Lee's front garden is called: Hariya Lee 21) Bruce Lee's window opening security system is called: Ja Lee 22) Bruce Lee's yellow coloured loo is called: Pee Lee 23) Bruce Lee's favorite perch (hang-out) is called: Da Lee 24) What is Bruce Lee's sister-in-law's name ? Saa Lee

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Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever: "What comes first - the chicken or the egg?" "O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo aayega".

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Q: How do bees get to school?
A: On the school buzz!

Q: Where did the cat go when it lost it's tail?
A: The retail store!

Q: What does a grape say when it gets smushed?
A: Nothing -- it just lets out a little wine!

Q: Why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey?
A: He sensed fowl play.

Q: In which school do you learn to make ice cream?
A: Sunday school! ay!

Q: How do you turn soup into gold?
A: Add twenty four carrots!

Q: If you hold 9 oranges in one hand and 10 lemons in another, what do you have?
A: Really big hands!

Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a doctor?
A: Lots of blood

Q: Which is the only dog that knows what time it is?
A: A watch dog!

Q: How do elephants talk to each other?
A: On the elephone.

Q: How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed?
A: Because your nose touches the ceiling!

Q: What do you call a cow who just had a calf?
A: Decalf-enated!

Q: What do you get when you cross a mean dog and a computer?
A: You get a mega-bite!

Q: What goes up and never comes down?
A: Your age!

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Why did Harry Potter have to repeat his first year at Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft?

Because he couldn't spell.

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John Abraham was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up towards heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila."
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
John looked up again and said,
"Never mind. I found one.