Government Jokes

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IT was the day after India's Independence Day. A thoughtful Tony Blair who had watched the celebrations on TV got onto the phone with his friend Bush:

"India!" shouted Blair.

"What about India?" asked a startled Bush.

"We English made a mistake George," said Blair, "I need to get India back as a colony!"

"You serious Tony?" asked a still more startled Bush.

"Yeah this is not the India we let go some sixty years ago," said Blair, "this is a colony we would be proud to have now."

"So whatcha plannin' to do?" asked Bush.

"Why George what we did to Saddam. Attack them."

"You sayin' we? You not hoping I'm goin' to join you are you?"

"I helped you in Iraq George, you forgettin' or sometin'?"

"Yeah but we had an excuse there Tony, we were lookin' for weapons of mass destruction, you remember?"

"So we do the same thing here George. We tell the Indians to give up their weapons of mass destruction!"

"I don't know whether we are doing the right thing Tony, India's a democracy you know?"

"I lied for you in Iraq George. Nearly lost the elections for you. I'm sure you could do this lil' favour for me. With India back as my colony, we'll be back as a world power! Britain rules the world! You heard that phrase George?"

"I thought it was America who was doin' the rulin' Tony."

"We'll do the rulin' together George. You and me will be equal partners once I get my India back. Come on George talk to that Manmohan feller, tell him to give up his weapons of mass destruction, or else..!"

"Okay Tony since you insist. Can call me back in five minutes."

"Shall I get my ships ready?"

"For what?" asked a surprised Bush.

"For war dammit," shouted Tony as he put the phone down and waited for Bush to talk to the Indian Prime Minister. He walked over to a little globe he had on his office table and circled India gleefully.

The phone rang and he ran to pick it up. "Tony it's me," said George, "how many ships you got ready?"

"Aye aye sir, the Royal Navy is ready for action!"said Tony, standing at attention.

"You can send them to India," said Bush.

"To fight?" asked Blair happily."

"No to pick up their weapons of mass destruction."

"Whatcha talkin' about?" asked a confused Blair.

"Manmohan said you would know 'cause it's your people who made them," said Bush.

"What weapons of mass destruction?" whispered Blair uncertainly.

"Their politicians, their MP's, their MLA's," said Bush happily, "Manmohan said you could take them all back to England where they were trained years ago by your people to divide and rule..!"

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What would change, if Laloo Prasad becomes India's Prime Minister:


National Anthem
Khana Pina Adhik Zaroorat hai...

National Attire
Dhoti & Kurta

National Drink
Fresh Buffalo Milk

National Animal
Buffalo, from Bihar

National Sport
Milking Buffalo (morning)
Buffalo Race (evening)

Corporate Language
English

National Toy
A. K. 58

National Family Planning Policy
Hum Do, Humare Dozen

National Documentary Film
Laloo Ban Gaya Gentleman

National Vehicle
Buffalo Cart

National Recreation
Pro-creation

Laloo's Slogan:
"Jab Tak Rahega Samosa Me Aloo,
Tab Tak Rahega Hamara P.M. Laloo"

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Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.

A few days later he got this reply:
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,

You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence.

No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks

Bill Gates.

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.

He arranged a press conference : "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."

Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya

You do not meet -----aap to miltay hee naheen ho

our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai

Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.

No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai

shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.

Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.

Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.
--

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It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.

A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"

The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"

Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied "Sir, Yes Sir!".

The General continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"

The Private didn't agree, but them the private was just a private, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"

The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."

The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said "Sir, Yes Sir!"

The General continued "I got this dog for my wife."

The Private simply said "Good trade Sir!"

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Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard told Laloo "WAIT PLEASE" for which Laloo replied "65Kgs" and moved on...

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Laloo and Rabri Devi were walking down the road when Rabri turns to Laloo and says, 'Hey look at that dog with one eye!'

Laloo covers up one of his eyes and says, 'Where?'

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Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??
Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??
Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!

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Air Hostess asks laloo:Sir are u vegetarian/non-vegetarian
Laloo says I am sagittarian
Air hostess asks:Sir aap Shakahari hai/Mamsahari hai
Laloo says " Main Bihari hoon"

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There are 3 guys. their names r shut up, trouble and manners.

Well one day trouble got lost and manners and shut up went to the police station. Manners stayed outside.

The police officer asked shut up what was his name and he said shut up.

The police officer asked one more time what is ur name he said shut up and the police officer goes where r ur manners?

Shut up says manners is outside.

The police officer looked at him and said r u looking for trouble and

He said yes, have you seen him?

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Hey Hi, sorry didnt tell u
that Im goin 2 DELHI tomorrow. I dont know how long i am staying there. I Will Give u the number,address and new email id when i get dear.
Hope 2 see u at least b4 i leave?Sori 4 short notice.
I have no choice. They have chosen me as the




nxt president of INDIA...!