Government Jokes

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Gyani Zail Singh went to the US & had a meeting with Reagan. Reagan said, "I want to show you the advancement in technology in USA. Come with me."

Reagan takes him in a deep forest and says. "Dig the ground."
Zail Singh digs.
Reagan says, "More, more, more..."
Zail Singh has now reached a 100 feet.
Reagan says, "So now, did you find anything?"
Zail Singh, "I got a wire!"
Reagan says, "You see, it shows that even 200 years ago we used to have telephones!"

Zail Singh was very frustrated and he invited Reagan to India.
In India GyaniJi says, "Now I want to show you the advancement in India!"
He takes Reagan to a forest and ask him to dig.
After some time GyaniJi says, "More. .. more... more!"
Reagan has now reached almost 400 feet.
Zail Singh says, "Find anything?"
Reagan tries but finds nothing, "Nothing here!"
GyaniJi says, "You see even 400 years ago we had gone WIRELESS!"

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Laloo becomes PM (if you haven't cut your throat yet, read on) and goes to Pakistan for a one-on-one with Nawaz Sharif. They decide to meet without aides and are closeted for about 5 minutes.

Laloo then emerges from the room. Reporters clamour for a statement. "Nawazbhai will make the announcement" is all Laloo says.

Nawaz Sharif comes out and drops a bombshell - Pakistan has decided to give up all claims on Kashmir, with no strings attached!

The world is stunned. Laloo has achieved in 5 minutes what others had failed to in 50 years! How did you do it, what did you promise, the press clamours.

"Sab Akai-waalon ka kamaal hai," says Laloo. "Woh kehte hain na, TV loge tho fridge free doonga, video khareedein to cellphone free... tho ham bhi Nawazbhai se keh diye: "aapko Kashmir chaahiye na? Le jaayie. Magar saath mein bihar free milega, bas!"

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Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were travelling by a private plane. Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting,"This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are five of us in the plane. Since I am a very important pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here." Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane.

Sonia Gandhi said,"Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped. Laloo Yadav said,"I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.

The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one parachute left, and there are two of us. I am an old man and don't need to live any more. You take the last parachute and jump."
The school boy said,"Don't worry! There are still two parachutes left with us! The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my school bag!"

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When Laloo completed 25 years of his rule over Bihar, he wanted a special postage stamp issued, with his picture on it. He so instructed Rabridevi, stressing that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released, and Lalloo was pleased.

But within a couple of days of release of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and became furious. He called Rabri and ordered her to investigate the matter. Rabri checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported on the problem to Lallo Prasad.

She said: "The stamp is really of international quality. The problem is, our people are spitting on the wrong side!"

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Laloo Prasad Yadav died. Rabri Devi (his wife) was very worried whether
Laloo would be able to make it to heaven, so she decided to try & contact
his spirit by having a seance. (black magic used to contact the dead)

Sure enough, after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits, Laloo's
voice was heard answering,

"Helloooooooo Rabri, this is meeee..."

"Oh dear Lalooji," she answered. "I just need to know if you're happy there
in your after-life.
What's it like there?"

"Ooooooh, it's much more beautiful here than I ever imagined," Laloo
answered. "The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures are much
more lush and green than I ever expected .... and, above all, there is no
scam! And the only thing we do, all day long, are, eat and sleep, eat and
sleep,over and over." "Thank God, you reached heaven," his Rabri cried,
wiping some tears.

"Heaven?"he answered. "What heaven? I'm reborn.....
"I'm a buffalo in Switzerland."

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Not too long ago a large seminar was held for ministers in training. Among the speakers were many well known motivational speakers.

One such boldly approached the pulpit and gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying,"And that woman was my mother!" The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech which, went over well.

About a week later one of the ministers, who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It seemed a bit foggy to him this morning.

Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!" His congregation sat shocked. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, Bholaji finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was!"

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Gyani Zail Singh went abroad & had a meeting with the President of a foreign country. Foreign President said, "I want to show you the advancement in technology in my country. Come with me."

He takes Zail Singh in a deep forest and says. "Dig the ground."

Zail Singh digs.

President says, "More, more, more..."

Zail Singh has now reached a 100 feet.

"So now, did you find anything?"

Zail Singh, "I got a wire!"

Foreign president says, "You see, it shows that even 200 years ago we used to have telephones!"

Zail Singh was very frustrated and he invited the same Foreign President to India.

In India GyaniJi says, "Now I want to show you the advancement in India!"

He takes the Foreign president to a forest and asks him to dig.

After some time GyaniJi says, "More. .. more... more!"

Foreign president has now reached almost 400 feet.

Zail Singh says, "Find anything?"

Foreign president tries but finds nothing, "Nothing here!"

GyaniJi says, "You see even 400 years ago we had gone WIRELESS!"

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Rabri Devi died and went to hell. As she stood
in
front of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks
behind.

She asked, "What
are all those clocks?"

Yamraj answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone
on
Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands
on your clock will
move.

"Oh," said Rabri, "Who's clock is that?" That's Gautam
Buddha's. The
hands have never moved indicating that
he never told a lie. "

And whose
clock is that?" That's Abraham Lincoln's
clock. The hands have only moved
twice, telling us
that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life."

Rabri
asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?" Laloo's clock
is in my office", replied
yamraj, "I'M USING IT AS A
CEILING FAN !!!"

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Once an American minister invited his counter-part minister Indian minister to visit his country. After the official meeting the American invited his counter part to his home. Please feel comfortable and let me know if you want something. Indian minister was very much anxious about all the luxoury in his house and was restless.

Indian: Can you tell me,how could you manage to live so high standard life.

American: Well can you see a river there in the distance.

Indian: Yeah I can see.

American: Can you see that there is a bridge construction going on too.

Indian: Yeah I can even see that

American : Well 10% of the funds in that construction work is my share. That is how I manage

After few months, the Indian minister invites his counter-part same American minister to India. The Indian also invites the American to his home.

American: WOW, last time, when I visited your home, it was very small and you hardly had items of basic necessity. Now WOW, you have everything in this palace, which I could imagine of. How could you do that?

Indian: Do you see a river there in the distance.

American: Yes I do see.

Indian: Do you see that there is a bridge construction going on.

American: No, I can't see any construction there.

Indian: Well 100% of the funds in that construction work is my share.

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