Love And Marriages Jokes

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born beautiful, but what the hell happend to you?

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Aadmi shaadi kyon karta hai?

Isliye taki marne ke baad agar swarg jaye to achcha feel kare, aur agar nark jaye to ajeeb sa na lage...!

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Husband: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to main pagal ho jaunga..

Wife: Dusri shadi to nahin karoge?

Husband: Pagal aadmi kuch bhi kar sakta hai.

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Motto of GenX :
We won't marry, neither would we let our kids marry.

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Bunty - "Well, I am falling in love and I think I should go to a palmist or a mind reader. Which one would you suggest?"

Monty - "You would better go to a palmist you know you have got a palm."

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A judge called the wife aside in his chamber to interview her regarding her pending divorce, and if possible save the marriage. He asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," judge said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar", she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed any garage."

"Please. . ." judge pleaded, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
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"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is yes."
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"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "About twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh you mean divorce, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I have never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He says he has a serious communication problem with me!, But judge didn't I answer all your questions right?"

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Dating process:
6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?

Back from Work:
6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??

Gifts:
6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.
6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.

Phone Ringing:
6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years : PHONE RINGING.

Cooking:
6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years : AGAIN!!!!

Apology:
6 weeks : Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.
6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said??

New Dress:
6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 months : You bought a new dress again???
6 years : How much did THAT cost me?

Planning for Vacations:
6 weeks : How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound??
6 months : What's so bad about going to Istanbul on a charter plane?
6 years : Travel? What's so bad about staying home???

TV:
6 weeks : Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 months : I like this movie.
6 years : I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself.

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Life before marriage is "AIRTEL"
"You can express yourself"

Life after marriage is "RELIANCE"
"Always get in touch"

Life after honeymoon is "HUTCH"
"Wherever you go your wife's network follows"

After one year life is "IDEA"
"Your wife can change your LIFE"

After 10 years life is "BSNL"
"Subscriber is not reachable"!!!

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Monty hurried to church one morning to see his priest..

Monty said excitedly : "Father, father - I made love ten times last night!"
Priest replied sternly : "O Monty, I'm surprised at you". Is she women married?
Monty : "Oh yes father, she's my wife".
Father : But you don't have to came to confession if you make love with your wife.
Monty : OF! OH! father I know - but I just had to tell somebody naaaaa.

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A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce."

The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.

She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you."

Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels.

She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.

She says, "I want the kids too." The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he's up to 80 mph.

She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards, too."

The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?"

The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need right here."

She asks, "What's that?"

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I've got the airbag!"