Nationalty Jokes

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A Paki, Bangladeshi and an Sardar are in a bar one
night having a beer. The Paki drinks his beer and
suddenly throws his glassin the air, pulls out a gun
and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In
Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't
need to drink from the same one twice."

The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks
his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out
his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In
Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses that
we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice
either."

The Sardar , cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer
and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls
out his gun and shoots the Paki and Bangladeshi. He
says "In Delhi we have so many Paki and Bangladeshi
that We don't need to drink with the same ones
twice."

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An American report: We crossed chickens with cows. The new breed simultaneously produces milk, meat and eggs.
Report from France: We crossed flies and bees. The hybrid flies over the trash fields and produces honey.
Report from Russia: We crossed a melon with cockroaches. When you cut this melon, seeds run away by themselves

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Q: Did you hear about the new Iraqi tank?
A: Yeah, It has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes foreward in case the enemy attacks from behind.

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Mexican Fisherman

The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, "Only a little while."

The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"

The Mexican said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs."

The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you will run your ever-expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"

To which the American replied, "15 to 20 years."

"But what then?" asked the Mexican.

The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions?...Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."

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What is the best Iraqi job?
Foreign Ambassador

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What is Iraq's national bird?
Duck

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Blonde Polish Joke

A blonde was telling a priest a Pollock joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, "Don't you know I'm Polish?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," the blonde apologizes, "do you want me to start over and talk slower?"

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New England Temperature Conversion Chart

60° F:
Southern Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in New England sunbathe.

50° F:
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
People in New England plant gardens.

40° F:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in New England drive with the windows down.

32° F:
Distilled water freezes.
Maine's Moose head Lake's water gets thicker.

20° F:
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in New England throw on a flannel shirt.

15° F:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in New England have the last cookout before it gets cold.

0° F:
All the people in Miami die.
New Englanders close the windows.

10° below zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico.
The Girl Scouts in New England are selling cookies door to door.

25° below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
People in New England get out their winter coats.

40° below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in New England let the dogs sleep indoors.

100° below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
New Englanders get frustrated because they can't start their "kahs."

460° below zero:
All atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale).
People in New England start saying, "cold 'nuff for ya?"!

500° below zero:
Hell freezes over.
The Red Sox win the World Series!

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Nine

I was meeting a friend in a bar, and as I went in, I noticed two pretty girls looking at me.

"Nine," I heard one whisper as I passed. Feeling pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him a girl had just rated me a nine out of ten.

"I don't want to ruin it for you," he said, "but when I walked in, they were speaking German."

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10 Guinness's in 10 Minutes

An American walks into an Irish pub and says, "I'll give anyone $100 if they can drink 10 Guinness's in 10 minutes." Most people just ignore the absurd bet and go back to their conversations. One guy even leaves the bar. A little while later that guy comes back and asks the American, "Is that bet still on?" "Sure." So the bartender lines 10 Guinness's up on the bar the Irishman drinks them all in less than 10 minutes. As the American hands over the money he asks, "Where did you go when you just left?" The Irishman answers, "I went next door to the other pub to see if I could do it."