Professional Jokes

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The Doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.
And did he?
Yes! I had to sell the car to pay the bill.

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In this article, I would like to importance of Panchendriyas (Five Sensory organs of human body) in Mechanical Maintenance of Automobiles.

The five Panchendriyas in human body are:

Eyes - Sense of Sight

Ear - Sense of Hearing

Nose - Sense of smell

Mouth - Sense of Taste

Skin - Sense of Touch

Let me first explain the difference between an Electrical failures and Mechanical Failures. An Electrical failure never gives a warning. A classic example is the domestic bulb. A bulb never gives a warning before it fails. It is burning now and the next moment it may fuse out. But it is not the case with a Mechanical Failure. A Mechanical Failure always gives enough warning before complete damage to a component. Based on this analogy, this article is being written.

Now let me get back to importance of Panchendriyas in Mechanical Maintenance of Automobiles (or for that matter, any mechanical equipment).

If the owner of an Automobile develops a keen sense of Sensory Organs of his body, he can save a lot of time and money to keep his Automobile in shape. As they say, a stitch in time saves nine. Let us now find out how each sensory organ plays a part in Mechanical Maintenance. I would like to discus importance of each organ with simple examples. The examples given are only illustrative, and with a little bit of common sense and imagination, the usage of these organs for better upkeep of Automobiles can be extended and sky is the limit.

1. Eyes (Sense of Sight):

Suppose you have parked your Car in your garage. When you take out your car and come back to shut the door of the garage before driving out, you see some droplets on the floor. You realize that these droplets are drops of oil. Obviously, your car has developed some leakage. By co-relating the position of the oil drops with your parking position of the car in the garage, you can conclude whether the leakage is from the engine, gearbox or differential. So now you know that the car has developed a leakage and roughly where the leakage is from. Leakage of oil is caused by an oil seal failure. If neglected, then that particular system, which has developed leakage, will starve for lubricant and the failure of this component is not far off. An oil seal may cost about Rs.50 for replacement. But if the leakage is neglected leading to a component failure (it can be Engine, Gear Box etc), the cost of repair if forbiddingly high. So a keen vision can save a lot of expenditure on repairs.

2. Ear (Sense of Hearing):

Keeping your ears wide open is a good habit. One of the signals a component gives before failure is some unusual sound. If you are alert, you will not miss it. You are driving your and suddenly you hear some unusual sound when you are trying to change the gears in spite of proper usage of the clutch pedal. If you observe keenly, you realize that the noise is from gearbox. You are able to engage the gear but with more force on the gear lever. This is typical example of early warning that the clutch of your car either needs adjustment or overhauling. If neglected at this stage, not only the clutch but the gearbox also gets damaged. But by observing at the right time, may be all that your car needs is adjustment of the clutch.




3. Nose – Sense of smell:

You are on outing with your family on a long drive and as you are driving, you get burning smell in the car. You immediately put off the ignition of the car and on opening the bonnet, you find one of the electrical wires has caught fire. You can depower the electrical system by just removing the negative terminal of the battery. You are able to do all this because you could smell something unusual. If you had not done so, the short-circuit can damage an electrical component or still worse, if your car is driven by petrol, you may end up with a fire. You have saved this damage because you were nosey.
4. Mouth – Sense of taste:

The battery in the car is to be in sufficiently charged condition for healthy operation of electrical system. The maximum load (demand) on a battery is when you are trying to start your car for the first time in the day and the load is more if you are doing so on a winter morning when the temperature of atmosphere is quite low. Normally the health of a battery is checked with an instrument called Hydrometer, which shows the specific gravity of the Battery Acid (Electrolyte). But not every car owner is equipped with a Hydrometer to check the battery. A simple way is to take half a drop of the electrolyte and taste the same (Remember, the sulphuric acid used as electrolyte in the battery is called battery grade Acid and is diluted version and not concentrated acid). If it is tasteless and stale, then the specific gravity is less and the battery needs attention. If the taste is salty, then the battery electrolyte specific gravity is at an optimum level. Your mouth has been of use for maintenance of battery.
5. Skin – Sense of touch:

One of the symptoms of mechanical failure is heat. A component becomes hot when there is either lack of lubrication in that particular system or due excessive friction due to many reasons like a bearing failure. When you touch the component, you will feel the excessive heat and come to know of the symptom much before the failure of the component. Another example is, when you touch the wheel disc of your car after a long drive, if you find it hot then it means that the brake of the particular wheel is jammed and needs repair / adjustment or the wheel bearing as failed and needs attention. So you have used your skin as a diagnostic instrument in both the cases and have come to know of a symptom of an impending failure, much before the failure occurs.

As already mentioned, the above are only typical examples and can be extended to many more areas of diagnostics. God has given us Panchendriyas (Sensory Organs) to protect us. Let us make best use of them for maintaining our Automobiles or any other Mechanical Gadget also apart from protecting ourselves.

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Paitent: Doctor, yeh phulon ki mala kis ke liye?
Doctor: Yeh mera pehla operation hai,
Success hua to mere liye,
Nahi to tumhare liye.

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Wanted a sturdy wife. Should be in working condition. Should be above average and must run the household at a good average. Dent wont be tolerated
especially in the head gear.

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A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are those machetes doing in your car?" asks the cop.
"I juggle them in my act."
"Oh, yeah? says the doubtful cop. "Let's see you do it. "The juggler gets out and starts tossing and catching the knives. Another man driving by slows down to watch.
"Wow, "says the passer-by. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!

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A fellow is walking into a hospital and sees two doctors down on their hands and knees in one of the flower beds. He goes over and says "Can I help? Have you lost something?" "No," says one of the doctors, "we're about to do a heart transplant on an accountant and we're looking for a suitable stone."

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Boss(angry): Tumne kabhi ullu dekha hai?
Servant (sar jhukate hue): Nahi sir!
Boss: Niche kya dekh raha hai? Meri taraf dekh.

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You Know You're Going to use these Top 15 Excuses when Caught Sleeping at Work:-

1. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."
2. "This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about in that time-management course you sent me to."
3. "I was working smarter-not harder."
4. "Whew! I must have left the top off the liquid paper."
5. "Oh, I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on our mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
6. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
7. "I was testing the keyboard for drool-resistance."
8. "It worked well for Reagan, didn't it?"
9. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
10. "I'm actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learnt at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend."
11. "This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamt about work!"
12. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?"
13. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
14. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
15. "Geez, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day."

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A customer arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up their car, They were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it.
He went to the service department and found a mechanic, Mr Santa working feverishly to unlock the driver`s side door.
As the customer watched from the passenger`s side, he instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open.
"Hey," he announced to the technician, "It`s open!"
"I know," answered Santa.- "I already got that side."

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An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer — you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"