Society And Culture Jokes

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Husband to Wife - You will never succeed
in making that dog obey you.

Wife: Nonsense it's only a matter of patience,
I had a lot of trouble with you at first.

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"Oh God," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!" Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, "I'm not surprised: You've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!"

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Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

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A MARVADI'S HOUSE HAS CAUGHT FIRE AND HE IS GIVING MISSED CALL TO FIRE SERVICE STATION.

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1960 girl : Pehla phela pyaar hai,chhai bahar hai,
aaja sajna tera intezar hai.

2006 girl : Dusara/tisra pyar hai,dil bekrar hai,
aaja morey sajna varna chautha tayiar hai.

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A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician, who was also a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his place of business, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave trouble to his sister.

I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.

"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honour of being the first one to go to him in confession."

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In a train-

TC to Sadhu :- Kahan jaana hai ?
Sadhu :- Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha !

TC :- Ticket hai ?
Sadhu :- Nahin !

TC :- Chalo !
Sadhu :- Kahan ?
TC :- Jahan Krishn ka janam hua tha !!!

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Humne Zindagi ki shuruyat S se ki.

S se SAT SRI AKAAL,

S se SURAJ,

S se SUBAH,

S se SWAGAT,

Phir,

S se SAMAY ne aisi karwat badliki,

S se hamari SAGAI ho gayi,

Aur iske baad,

S se SHAADI bhi ho gayi,

Phir jivan ka arth,

S se SAAS,

S se SALA,

S se SALI,

S se SASUR,

Aur S se SATYANASH ho gaya.

To ab hum,

S se SANYAS lene wale hai,

Isliye aapko,

S se SMS bheja hai.

Japo,

S se SATNAM SRI WAHEGURU...

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Who is in cowboy films and always broke?
Skint Eastwood!

Who is the biggest gangster in the sea?
Al Caprawn!

What do you get if you cross a nun and a chicken?
A pecking order!

Why did the silly kid stand on his head?
His feet were tired!

What does one star say to another star when they meet?
Glad to meteor!

Were you long in the hospital?
No, I was the same size that I am now!

How did the farmer fix his jeans?
With a cabbage patch!

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In a poor zoo of India, a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day.

The lion thought its prayers were answered when one US Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the US Zoo.

The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/c environment,a goat or two every day and a US Green Card also.

On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast.

The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few bananas.

Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India.

The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered.

The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him,
'Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management? What nonsense is this? Why are you delivering bananas
to me?'

The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle but ... did you know that you have been brought here on a monkey's visa!!!

*Better to be a Lion in India than a Monkey elsewhere!!!!!*