Society And Culture Jokes

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Never trust little old Indian women:

A little old Indian woman went into Republic National Bank with a sack full of money. She plopped it onto the desk of the Bank president as she had wrangled her way into his office. He was an Indian man.

"Where did you get money like this?" he asked her.

"Well, you see." She answered him. "I make bets."

"Bets?" He wanted to know.

"Yes." She replied. "For instance, I'll bet you 25,000. you are not brown all over. I bet that under your shorts you are white."

"The Indian president of the Bank told her, "Well, I will take that bet." "I am brown all over."

"Okay," the wily old lady agreed. "However, tomorrow when we close the bet, I want my attorney with me. He is Indian too.

"Okay! Okay." The president of the bank was agreeable.

When he went home though he double checked to see if he was brown all over. After all 25,000. was at stake.

The next day when the little old Indian lady came in with her attorney, the president was ready for her.

The little old Indian woman told him. "I am not going to take your word for it. I want to see if you are brown all over."

The president thought for a moment and decided since it was, after all, 25,000 he would, indeed, drop his pants to show the little old Indian woman he was brown all over, which he did. He looked over at the Indian attorney who was banging his head against the wall.

"Why is he doing that?" The president asked.

The little old Indian woman answered, "Because I bet him 165,000 that the President of the Republic National Bank would drop his pants for me.

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The old native American wanted a loan

The old native American wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are you going to do with the money?"

"Take jewellery to city and sell it," was the response.

"What have you got for collateral?"

"Don't know collateral."

"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan.Have you got any vehicles?"

"Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup."

The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?"

"Yes, I have a horse."

"How old is it?"

"Don't know, has no teeth."

Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan.

Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said. He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off.

"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?"

"Put in tepee."

"Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked.

"Don't know deposit."

"You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it."

The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for collateral?"

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Ghost Indian

Two Ponca men were sitting out on a back road visiting. All at once there was a tapping on the window.

"Ah Hoh!" "Hey guy!" "I think there is a ghost tapping on the window!"

Sure enough a wizened face with long flowing white hair was there just out side the window.

The Ponca man driving shoved his foot down on the gas and immediately was doing 60 miles and hour.

"Step on it!" "He's still out there!" And sure enough, there was another tapping at the window.

The driver shoved his foot to the floor again! This time he was doing ninety (90) miles an hour.

Still the ghostly figure tapped on the window.

"You better giver 'er some more gas!" "He's still out there."

"I can't go any faster, I've got her up to 120 miles an hour.

About that time the little old man motioned for the passenger to roll the window down, which he did.

"Say Boys!" "I was wanting to know, do you need a shove to get out of this mud hole?"

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Indian and Genie

An Indian man has spent many days crossing Montana without water.

His horse dies of thirst. He's crawling through the grass, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the ground several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the dirt, and discovers what looks be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie....

But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing a Bureau of Indian Affairs badge and dull grey suit. There's
a calculator in his pocket. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear. "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."

"I'm not falling for this." says the man. "I'm not going to trust a B.I.A. employee."

"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and It looks like you're a goner anyway!"

The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.

"OK, I wish I were on a lush reservation with plentiful food and drink."

***POOF***

The man finds himself on the most beautiful rez he has ever seen, surrounded with jugs of Rum and platters of delicacies.

"OK, kid, what's your second wish."

"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my Chiefs wildest dreams."

***POOF***

The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

"OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

"Ok, I wish I would be desired and loved by everyone?"

***POOF***

He is changed into a crunchy chocolate bar.

The moral of the story? If the B.I.A offers you anything, for sure someone is going to have to deal with some nuts.

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He lied to me...

An Indian man was violently whipping one of his young sons. A man passing by said. "Say now!" "Why are you whipping that boy."

"He lied to me." "He pushed over the out house and then told me he didn't do it."

That is no reason to whip him. George Washington cut down a cherry tree and his father did not whip him to get to the truth.

"Yeah but, George Washington's father was not in that Cherry tree when his son cut it down."

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Weather Indian

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an Old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain."

The next day it rained.

A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm."

The next day there was a hailstorm.

"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.

Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio broken."

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Two tribes were visiting each other...

Two tribes were visiting each other. The men were in council and the leader of one tribe, wishing to make conversation said, "I did not sleep well, last night." At this he put his hands to his head and gestured like horns. "A horned owl kept me awake." He said.

At that the elders of the other tribes arose and came over to shake his hand. The man looked at his companion in surprise. "What did I say?"

His friend said. "Well, I'm not sure, but I think you just gave away a beef!"

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Cold Winter

The Indians asked their Chief in autumn if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.

Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?"

The man on the phone responded, "This winter is going to be quite cold indeed."

So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: "Are you absolutely sure that the
winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"

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Fry Bread

The old tribal chairman was on his death bed. He had only hours to live when he suddenly smelled the scent of fry-bread wafting into his room. Aaahhhh. . . He loved fry-bread more than anything else in the world.

With his last bit of energy, he pulled himself out of bed. . . Down the stairs and into the kitchen he went. There was his beloved wife, Lillian, kneading the dough for a new batch. As he reached for one of the fresh steaming fry-breads, he got smacked across the back of his hand by the wooden spoon his wife was holding. "Leave them alone!" she said. "They're for the funeral!"

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Pilgrim

What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
He had an arrow escape