Society And Culture Jokes

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping ...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,

"Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"

Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabe, you dumber then buffalo chip. Someone has stolen tent."

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Indian Chief

Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?
To keep his wigwam

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Competence


Those who can - do Those who cannot - advise Those who cannot do even that - teach Those who cannot do even that - teach teachers to teach Those who cannot do even that - administer Those who cannot do even that - join politics

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Life of a man


GOD created the DONKEY and told him, 'You will work tireless from sunrise up to sunset, carrying heavy bags on your back, you will eat grass. You will not have intelligence and you will live 50 years. You will be a DONKEY!' The DONKEY answered, 'I will be a DONKEY, but living 50 years is too much, give me only 20 years!' and God gave him 20 years. GOD created DOG and told him ' You will look after man's house, you will be his best friend, you will eat whatever they give you and you will live 25 years, You will be a DOG' The DOG answered 'GOD, living 25 years is too much, give only 10 years!' and GOD gave him 10 years. GOD created the MONKEY and told him, 'you will jump from branch to branch , you will do silly things, you will be amusing and you will live 20 years, you will be a MONKEY!' The MONKEY answered ' GOD, living 20 years is too much , give me only 10 years!' and GOD gave him 10 years. Finally GOD created MAN and told him, 'you will be a MAN the only rational being on this earth and you will use your intelligence to control other animals, you will dominate the world and you will live for 20 years. The MAN answered, GOD I will be a man but living 20 years is not enough, why don't you give me the 30 years that the DONKEY refused, the 15 years that the DOG didn't want and the 10 years that the MONKEY refused ?' That was exactly what GOD did, and since then: MAN lives 20 years like a MAN, then he gets married and spends 30 years like a DONKEY, working and carrying the load on his back, then when his children leave he spends 15 years like DOG looking after the house and eating whatever is given to him. Then he gets old, retires and spends 10 years like a MONKEY, jumping from house to house or from children to children, doing silly things to amuse his

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Balloonist


A man is flying in a hot air balloon andrealizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers theballoon further and shouts, 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.' The man below says, 'Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, andbetween 58 and 60 degrees West longitude.' 'You must be a programmer,' says the balloonist. 'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?' 'Well,' says the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information,and the fact is Iam still lost.' The man below says, 'You must be a project manager 'I am,' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?' 'Well,' says the man, 'you don't know where you are, or where you are going. Youhave made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me tosolve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were inbefore we met, but now it is somehow my fault.'

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God's Voice mail


We have all learned to live with 'voice mail'as a necessary part of modern life. But have you wondered, what if God decided to install voice mail?' Imagine praying and hearing this: Hi! Thank you for calling GOD. Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for Requests
Press 2 for Thanksgiving Press
3 for Complaints
Press 4 for All Other Inquiries. Else wait for our Customer Support Executive. What if God used the familiar excuse... 'I'm sorry, all of our angels are busyhelping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us andwill be answered in the order it as received, so please stay on the line' Can you imagine getting these kinds of responses as you call God in

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American Temples


Ever thought, What would happen if temples were Americanised..... ..Before Pooja the pandit will not ask for your name anymore. Your social security number will do. ..Two types of prasad will be available - Normal Prasad & Diet Prasad. ..Panchamrut will be of 4 types : Normal milk, 2% milk, Skimmed milk and fat-free milk (The same for yogurt). ..You don't tip the pandit on the plate, when he gives the prasad. You should swipe your visa card on his scanner. ..You no more go around the temple from left to right. This is America and everything here is from right to left. ..Due to fire hazard, no more aarati, only flashlights will be used. ..To prevent noise pollution, all bhaktas need to use head phones to listen GONG of the bell ..during flashlight-tee (aar-tee). Soft copies of lord are on sale at $1 per image. ..The pandit will no longer read the mantra from books, he will use his laptop instead. ..The temple would re-cycle the flowers used everyday to protect the Environment ..Sponsors of poojas will be allowed to display a 1.5'x 5' banner on the website. ..The temple will sponsor this year's NBA matches to gain publicity

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A beggar walks up to a well-dressed woman & said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days."
She looked at him & said, "God, I wish I had your willpower

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People who do lots of work...make lots of mistakes,
People who do less work...make less mistakes,
People who do no work...make no mistakes,
People who make no mistakes...get promoted

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There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go thru hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.