Society And Culture Jokes

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Stoner Shopping Trip

A stoner walks into a gas station and asks the dude at the counter, "Got any weed?" The man politely replied, "Um, no sir. We do not sell marijuana here." So he left.
The same guy comes back the next day and says, "Got any weed?" The man behind the counter, although slightly annoyed, patiently replied, "No sir. We don't sell marijuana." So the man went home.

He goes once again to the gas station. And again, he says to the guy working there, "Got any weed?" By this time the other dude was pissed. He yells, "You freakin' refer-lovin', pot-head burn-out! I told you, we don't sell that crap here! If you ever come back in here asking for that filthy crap again, I'll nail your freaking feet to the floor. Got it? Now beat it before I call the cops." So the stoner left.

The next day he went back to the same old place with a dopey smile on his face. He went to the cashier and said, "Got any nails?" The man hesitated, then replied, "um, no. . . sir, we don't sell nails here." The stoner grinned. "Got any weed?"

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Signs You've Been Partying Too Much

1. With a little effort, you could pull the bags under your eyes over your head.
2. When the professor calls out your name during attendance, you rhythmically cry out "In da' house!"
3. Your dirty laundry has become the closest thing to wall-to-wall carpeting.
4. Every study group you join gets fed up with your need to take a break for techno and grinding.
5. All your stories begin with, "I was so wasted..."
6. Your Native American name would've been "Man of Running Body Fluids."
7. You refer to sunlight as a "that bright shit."
8. You look forward to the weekdays as a time to relax.
9. Whenever you see a blinking "Do Not Walk" sign, you think how great it would look if you were on ecstasy.
10. All your stories end with, "...and that's when everything got blurry."

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Lamaze Class

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
"Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. "Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

"Yes?" asked the instructor.

"Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

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Diplomacy Definition

The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip!

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A Letter To Tide

Dear Tide,
I have always used your product ever since my college days, because mom says it was the best. One weekend about a month ago, I was at my girlfriend's place, wearing my new white shirt. Much to my chagrin, I spilled some red wine on my white shirt. She made a comment about my drinking problem, one thing lead to another, and soon I had her blood all over my not-so-nice white shirt. I tried washing it with her detergent, and it just didn't do the trick. So, on my way home, I stopped at the store and picked up a box of new Ultra Tide. It washed the stain so well that the DNA tests were entirely inconclusive! I can't praise your product enough. Thank you for saving my life! I must go now. I also have to send my praise to the makers of Hefty garbage bags...

Thanks again!

John Smith

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guy walks into a coffee shop and sees ...

A guy walks into a coffee shop and sees President Bush and Colin Powell sitting together. He introduces himself and asks President Bush, "How goes the War effort, Sir?"
President Bush answers, "We're getting ready to kill 40 million Iraqi's and one blonde."

The guy asks in astonishment, "Why are you killing one blonde?"

President Bush turns to Colin Powell and says, "See, I told you people wouldn't care about the Iraqi's."

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Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord,"
And there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning

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Three friends, a Hindu, a Muslim and a Sikh, all great
admirers of Bir Bajrang Bali were hotly arguing about what
community Hanumanji belonged to. The Hindu was outraged by their claims:

"How could Hanuman possibly be a Muslim?" he demanded.
His Muslim friend replied: "We have Ahsan, Rehman, Sulaiman and many
other Muslim names ending with aan. Hanuman could well have been
one such name."

"And you Sardarji," said the Hindu aggressively "Sikhism
came into being a thousand years after the Ramayana. How can you
say Hanuman was a Sikh?"

"Quite clearly Hanuman was a Sikh," replied the Surd.
"Here we have someone who does not know the lady who has been
abducted, and he has no enmity towards the abductor. Neverthless
he sets his own tail on fire and burns up not just the enemy's palace, but
a whole city. Who else would do such a thing except a Sardar??!"

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THE CLASSIFEID LOVE ADS OF THE GODS....


OK! Here's is what Arjun would write if he placed an ad in the
matrimonial section:

"Handsome, kshatriya, warrier, excellent with bows and arrows, blessed
by God Krishna, seeks beautiful bride for sharing with four
of his brothers, expected all to live in the same house.
All brothers involved in a old family rivalry and hence, girl
is expected to strip infront of strangers as part of a deal to
save lives of her family. Should also be stragically placed so
that she can be won in a competition.


Hi!
Here's what Rama would write if he placed an ad in the matrimonial
section....
sd

The way things are going, the chap probably has an anonymouse-id by now.
Specially if he is posting matrimonials. "Handsome, healthy,
wheatish-complexioned, 3 x 10^7 years old, 5'7" tall Prince-Regent (with green
card) seeks homely, well-bred wife less than 5'4" tall. The boy (sic) has
been married once, two twin sons by first marriage i.e. highly potent, first
wife missing (believed to have been swallowed by her over-protective mother
(don't ask, thanks)). He is an excellent archer, but he thinks he is some kind
of divine incarnation (don't they all!). Bit of a daddy's boy, will do
anything for the old man. Prospective girls should have NO interest in any
golden deer they happen to see in the forest. (Trust me, this has proven to be
A Bad Idea the first time around.) Should be willing to relocate to Ayodhya.
Must like camping in the wild for several years, if necessary. Some foreign
travel involved, including kidnapping and incarceration by physically deformed
asuras, etc. Also, must be willing to deal with monkeys on a daily basis.
Serious replies only. Include daytime telephone number.

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TOP TEN LINES USED AT A BHANGRA CLUB

10) I have 10 more silk shirts like this one.
9) Are you attached or unattached?
8) I know a great place where they serve "cholay" by candlelight.
7) You look as sweet as a "jalabee".
6) If I were a raja, I'd make you my rani.
5) How would you like to be my "galabjam"?
4) How're you doing my little laddoo?
3) Say, aren't you box 205, fair,slim, attractive and university educated?
2) "Oh kiddan, babe?" How's it going babe?)
1) "Tera pind kerha?" (Which village are you from?)