Society And Culture Jokes

Email |  Post Comments

God asked Lal Bahadur Shastri how many children he had during his time on earth. He replied saying he had three!
Happy with the relatively good family planning adopted, God gave Shastri a Mercedes!

Subhash Chandra Bose is asked the same question.
When he replies he had 10 children, God is a bit upset and gives him a cheaper car, the Ford.

Jawaharlal is next.
He decides to see what happens if he says he had 15 children, God is pretty angry and gives him an inexpensive Maruti.

Sometime later the three see Mahatma Gandhi returning on foot.
They ask why God hadn't given him anything.
Gandhiji replied with anger, "Some idiot told God that I was the FATHER OF THE NATION!"

Email |  Post Comments

There once was a boy who named Odd.

A lot of people would make fun of him because of his name, so he decided that when he passed-way he would leave his gravestone blank.

A couple of years later, he died, and next to his buried body was placed a blank gravestone.

Now when people pass by burial site they point and say “That's Odd”

Email |  Post Comments

I Think Santa Claus Is A Woman...

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree.

Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.

Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
- Men can't pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.
- Men don't answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
- Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
- Having to do the "Ho Ho Ho" thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men......... - Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy. - Cupid flies around carrying weapons. - Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.

Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance. As long as we have each other, good will, peace on earth, faith and Nat King Cole's version of "The Christmas Song," it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is.

I just wish she'd quit dressing like a guy!!!

Email |  Post Comments

Large Family

A large family, with seven children, moved to a new city. They were having a difficult time finding an apartment to live in. Many apartments were large enough, but the landlords objected to the large family. After several days of searching, the father asked the mother to take the four younger children to visit the cemetery, while he took the older three to find an apartment.

After they had looked most of the morning they found a place that was just right. Then the landlord asked the usual question: "How many children do you have?" The father answered with a deep sigh, "Seven...but four are with their dear mother in the cemetery."

He got the apartment.

Email |  Post Comments

Wise Uncle Rusty

Uncle Rusty is a wise man. A while back he retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few
weeks of his retirement in peace and quiet, puttering around his work shop.

That is of course until the school year began. On the first day of school three young boys, full of pent up energy from a full day of school, came down his street. As they walked down the street they beat rhythmically on every trash can they past. Day after day, it was the same thing. Beating, clanging and pounding out a rhythm
on the cans as they walked down the street. Poor Uncle Rusty just couldn't take it any more.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young musicians. As they worked their way down the street, pounding out a tune on
the cans, Rusty stopped them and said, "You kids sure are having a lot of fun. I like seeing young people like you, express
themselves. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if
you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids were elated and continued to do a bang up job on the trash
cans.

After two days, Uncle Rusty greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad expression on his face. "This recession's really
putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."

The boys were not pleased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon concert. A couple of days later, Sly Uncle Rusty approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

With words that would ensure he would have peace and quiet from that day forward he said "Look, my Social Security check just
isn't stretching as far with the expenses. So I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents a day. Will that be okay?"

"What?! Just a crummy quarter?" the boys exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"

Email |  Post Comments

Two beggars in Ireland

Two beggars are sitting on the pavement in Ireland. One is holding a large Cross and the other a large Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. As people walk by, they lift their noses at the guy holding the Star of David but drop money in the other guy’s hat. Soon one hat is nearly full whilst the other hat is empty.

A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the guy with the Star of David and says, "Don't you realize that this is a Christian country? You'll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David."

The guy holding the Star of David then turns to the guy holding the Cross and says, "Hymie, look who's trying to teach us Marketing."

Email |  Post Comments

No meat on Friday

When Ole quit farming, he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town of Catholics. That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbequing beef every Friday. Since they couldn't eat meat on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the best of them. Hoping they could do something to stop this, the neighbors got together and went over to talk to Ole. "Ole," they said, "since you are the only Lutheran in this whole town and there's not a Lutheran church for many miles, we think you should join our church and become a Catholic." Ole thought about it for a minute and decided they were probably right. Ole talked to the priest, and they arranged it.

The big day came and the priest had Ole kneel. He put his hand on Ole's head and said, "Ole, you were born a Lutheran, you were raised a Lutheran, and now," he said as he sprinkled some incense over Ole's head, "now you are a Catholic!"

Ole was happy and the neighbors were happy. But the following Friday evening at suppertime, there was again the aroma of grilled beef coming from Ole's yard. The neighbors went to talk to him about this and as they approached the fence, they heard Ole saying to the steak: "You were born a beef, you were raised a beef", and as he sprinkled salt over the meat he said, "and NOW you are a FISH!"

Email |  Post Comments

The mother of a large family was explaining why she dresses her children alike, right down to the youngest baby.
"When we had just four children, I dressed them alike so we wouldn't lose any of them."
"Now," she added, looking around at her brood of nine, "I dress them alike so we won't pick up any that don't belong to us."

Email |  Post Comments

Two taxicab drivers met.
"Hey," asked one, "what's the idea of painting one side of your cab red and the other side blue?"
"Well," the other responded, "when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other."

Email |  Post Comments

Paying in advance

A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.

"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."

The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.

"Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."