Travel And Nature Jokes

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A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning." Her husband replied "Well, lots of dogs can do that." The wife responded, "But we've never subscribed to any

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Cleaning out the aviary at the zoo...

Cleaning out the aviary at a run-down zoo,
the keeper finds two finches that have dropped dead from old age. He picks them up and places them in a sack. After cleaning the cage he puts the sack in his wheelbarrow and moves on to the next cage.

When he reaches the primate cage he finds two chimps who have also died of natural causes. "Waste not, want not" he says as he puts them in the sack with the finches.

Later at feeding time, he flips the dead animals in the sack, into the lions' cage.

"Bloody hell" roars the lion..."Not finch and chimps again!"

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Two elderly vultures

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.

When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked.

"No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."

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Nervous Flyer

I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn't help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering. I mentioned this to a flight attendant. "I'll take care of it," she said. Moments later the lights went out. Clearly she'd solved the problem by turning off the lights.

A passenger across the aisle who had been listening leaned overand said, "Whatever you do, please don't ask about the engines."

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Airline Rage

As a guy takes his seat on an airplane, he is surprised to find a parrot strapped in next to him. After taking off, the flight attendant comes around to serve the passengers on the plane. The guy asks the flight attendant for a coffee and the parrot squawks: "And get ME a coke...NOW!"

The flight attendant, flustered by the parrot's attitude, brings back a coke for the parrot. However, she forgets the coffee for the guy.

As the guy points this out, the parrot drains his glass and screams:

"Get me another coke or I'll really create a scene!"

Quite upset, the attendant comes back shaking, with another coke, but still no coffee.

Irritated at her forgetfulness, the man decides to try the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee. Go and get it right now, or I'll create a scene that will make HIS look like a Victorian tea party!"

The next moment, both the guy and the parrot are grabbed and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly security guards.

Hurtling towards earth, the parrot turns to him and says: "You're pretty cheeky for a guy who can't fly!"

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Here, Chicken, Chicken

Where is the world's fastest chicken from?
Ethiopia!

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A sardar is traveling via train. On his way, he feels the urge to go
to the bathroom. So he goes and opens the bathroom door, which
happens to have a mirror in the front. The sardar thinks there is
another sardar bhaiwaal in there, quickly shuts the door and returns
to his seat. 5 minutes later he goes again, only to find the same
sardar bhaiwaal. An hour passes away, he's made 20 trips to the
bathroom, only to find that the same person is still there. So he
finally gets ticked off, goes to the last compartment and tells the TC
(Ticket Checker) what's been going on. The TC, which also happens to
be a sardar, feels bad for him and promises to throw the bum out. The
TC walks down to the compartment with the troubled bathroom to get the
resident bhaiwaal out.

Few minutes later the TC comes back and tell the sardar "I'm sorry, I
can't do anything. The guy in there is a railway staff member".

Hope you enjoyed them. Later...

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"WHAT a wonderful idea to have a lion and a monkey in the same cage," said a visitor to the zoo. "How do they get on with each other?" "Very well most of the time," answered the zoo keeper. "They do disagree occasionally but we just get another monkey."

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Passing a parrot
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again.

When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."

She paused and said, "Yes?"

The bird said, "You know."

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Have incredible dogs
Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer who said his dog could do math calculations. His dog was named "T-Square", and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle and a triangle, which the dog did with no sweat. The accountant said he thought his dog was better. His dog was named "Slide Rule". He told him to fetch a dozen cookies, bring them back, and divide them into piles of three, which he did with no problem. The chemist said that was good, but he felt his dog was better. His dog "Measure" was told to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass. The dog did this with no problem.

All three men agreed this was very good and that their dogs were equally smart. They all turned to the union member and said, "What can your dog do?". The Teamster called his dog whose name was "Coffee Break" and said, "Show the fellows what you can do". Coffee Break went over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, went to the bathroom on the paper, claimed he injured his back while eating, filed a grievance for unsafe working conditions, applied for Workmen's Compensation and left for home on sick leave.