Travel And Nature Jokes

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Three rats are sitting at the bar bragging ...

Three rats are sitting at the bar talking and bragging about their bravery and toughness.

The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"

The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"

Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to harass the cat."

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A preacher is buying a parrot.

"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.

"Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.

"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."

"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"

"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.

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Two goldfish in a tank

Two goldfish in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

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What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck?

A duck filled fatty puss.

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Turkey Riddle #5

What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
Boy! I'm stuffed!

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Why is turtle wax so expensive?

Turtles have such tiny ears!

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The cat who swallowed a ball of wool

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool?

She had mittens.

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A reindeer bellied up to the bar

One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep South, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini.

Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer's hoof.

As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said, "You know, I think you're the first reindeer I've ever seen in here."

The reindeer looked hard at the hoofful of change and said, "Hmmmpf. I'll tell you something, buddy. At these bloody prices, I'm the last reindeer you'll see in here."

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Musical Hamster

A mangy looking guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "No way, pal. I don't think you can pay for it."

"You're right, " the guy says, "I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before will you give me a drink?"

"You have a deal my friend," says the bartender.

The guy reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar, it runs to the end of the bar, down the side of the bar, across the room, up the piano, onto the keyboard and starts playing Gerswhin.

"You're right I haven't heard anyting like that before," says the bartender. "The hamster is really gifted."

The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another. "Will that be cash or another miracle, pal?" asks the bartender.

"Watch this," replies the guy.

Again, he reaches into his coat and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog onto the bar, and the frog starts to sing. The frog has a marvelous voice and great pitch. A fine singer.

A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog. "It's a deal," says the guy. He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar.

"Are you nuts?" asks the bartender. "You sold a singing frog for $300? It could have been worth millions. You must be crazy."

"Not so," says the guy. "The hamster is a ventriloquist."

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20 Tons of Canaries

There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot.

When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and started banging on the trailer door. The motorist went up to him and said, "I don't mean to be nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?"

To which the trucker replied, "Sorry, can't talk now, I have 20 tons of canaries and a 10 ton limit, so I have to keep half of them flying at all times."