Travel And Nature Jokes

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Turkey Riddle #4

Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of fowl play

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The seagull

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.

"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.

"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

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Space Monkeys

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space.

As the moment came closer NASA's mission control center announced, "This is mission control to Monkey One. Initiate!"

At that the first monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle's engines ignited and the shuttle took off.

Two hours later NASA's mission control center announced, "This is mission control to Monkey Two. Initiate!"

At that the second monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle separated from the empty fuel tanks.

Another two hours later mission control announced, "This is mission control to the astronaut..."

At this the astronaut responded "I know, I know. Feed the monkeys and don't touch anything."

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Turkey Riddle #3

Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks

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Where does a cat go when it loses its tail?

The retail store.

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The Navy Chief and his Parrot

The old Navy Chief finally retired and got that chicken ranch he always wanted. He took
with him his life-long pet parrot.

First morning at 0430, the parrot squawked loudly and said, “Reveille, Reveille. Up all
hands. Heave out and trice up. The smoking lamp is lighted, now Reveille.”

The old chief told the parrot, “We are no longer in the Navy. Go back to sleep.”

The next morning, the parrot did the same thing. Chief told the parrot, “If you keep this up, I'll put you out in the chicken pen.”

Again the parrot did it, and true to his word, the Chief put the parrot in the chicken pen.

About 0630 the next morning, the Chief was awakened by one heck of a ruckus in the chicken pen. He went out to see what was the matter. The parrot had about 40 white chickens at attention in formation, and on the ground laid 3 bruised and beaten brown chickens. The parrot was saying, “By God, when I say fall out in dress whites, I don't
mean Khakis!”

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A Dog's Telegram

On a slow day with few customers, a clerk at a telegram office looks down from her counter and sees a dog waiting in line.
"Oh, aren't you cute?" she says. "What would you like me to put on your telegram?"
"Bow wow wow, Bow wow wow," the dog replies.
The clerk says in a cutesy voice, "But you can add another 'Bow wow wow' for the same price."

The dog responds, "Now wouldn't that sound a little silly?"

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Singing Fish

Jimmy: 'Hey, Mike! How's your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special.'

Mike: 'To tell the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.'

Jimmy: 'What? Let me get this straight... You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird?'

Mike: 'Well, yeah. After all, you know, he's a parrot fish.'

Jimmy: 'Now listen, Mike, while you might be able to teach a parrot to sing, you're never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish.'

Mike: 'That's what you think! It just so happens this fish CAN sing. The thing is, he's terribly off-key and it's driving me
crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?'

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Go Forth and Multiply

After it was all over and Noah lowered the ramp of the ark for all the
animals to leave, he told the animals "To go forth and multiply."

All the animals left except two snakes who lay quietly in the corner of the
ark.

"Why can't you go forth and multiply?" demanded Noah.

"We can't," answered the snakes. "We're adders."

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The Score

When I was visiting a friend who lived on the edge of a wilderness preserve, we drove along a rutted trail, and we saw a small creek ahead whose bridge was under water.

"We have a serious beaver problem," our friend said. "They build dams that cause the creek to flood. Forest rangers take down the dams, and the beavers rebuild them."

As we got closer, we could see a large scoreboard posted by the bridge.

It read: BEAVERS 3 RANGERS 0