Chump Change
| By : Supriya Sahu ( Posted on :04 Dec, 2005 ) | Total Views : 293 | Previous | Next |
He stares at the rim. "The bath plug is secure." He had hoped the water would overflow, cascade to the floor, glaze the tiles with a fine layer of hot water. Hot almost to boil. Almost too hot to touch. But he was in it. "Plug the slit. Plug it with tissue." He reaches over the toilet and gathers a wad of toilet paper. Quilted. He pauses, changes his mind, and jams his briefs into the escape valve. "I ain't no suicide case". He takes another swig of wine. An empty bottle with a round tip. Big enough for a thumb. "If I was 12".
"Is someone up there with you?"
"Yep. My imaginary friend."
"Tell him I said hello."
Some people are said to possess omniscient qualities. People will act in a predictable manner. "Please open up". An old house. Floor boards start to rot. You can imagine. "I know what you're doing". He's not her son, which makes this a difficult situation.
Her son is near the bottom of the stairs. This is a stupid scene. Embarrassing. He has friends over and they stop talking. Sit uncomfortable on the couch like, near the door.
One of them is playing with the cuffs of his jean jacket. His blonde hair husks of corn. Beads interlaced. A nose ring. "I'd love to see him come through the ceiling".
"Maybe he'll fall on your fat, head".
"Stop it". A hiss from the top of the stairs. The finger glides up the banister and as he points it toward the ceiling a small drop of water touches his thumbnail. "I'll break the door!" "No. Open up". "Ma. This is stupid". Shut up. I know what I'm doing.
Make them leave. They leave. Make him go to the kitchen. He goes to the kitchen. Make him remove the plug. Water touches the tip of her slipper. "We can't afford it". "It's cheaper than a vacation." "No. It isn't". I did the math. Supplies: $1,500. Labor: $900. New rug: $150. New tub: $350. New tiles: $95. "2,995 dollars". "Yep. Cheaper than a vacation". But the hospital bills. They aren't included.
There is no danger. As long he stays in the tub. Assuming the floorboards in the living room hold up. Otherwise it's an extra 8 feet. And the tub might crack. Old. Ceramic.
Claws feet. A nice tub, granted. But the insurance is very tempting. Can you blame him, considering the price of construction these days. If I were able to come up with such a plan...well. I'm not so sure I could resist. Of course, I'd have to own a house first. And then, you know. Feel the pressure to modernize. And falling through the floor like that with all the water splashing about. A regular day at the beach. Loads of fun. 'Course. His family thinks he's a mental case. But who's to say. I knew someone who pretended to have whip lash. He made $15,000 from that lawsuit. That ain't chump change, you know. Nothing to laugh at. Not at all.
Fiction
